Ryan Layton: "NYC-- The Place for Me?"

Living in the city has been an invaluable experience as a young artist. It’s something I always hoped to do, and thanks to this fellowship, I had a perfect opportunity to make it happen. From the moment I unpacked my things in Washington Heights, I started trying to decide if a life in the city could be for me. It’s a hard decision to make and one that I had to make quickly. The fellowship wouldn’t last forever. If I planned to stick around, I would need plenty of time to search for another job and look for a more permanent place than the sublet I had at the time.

By the time we went on our summer hiatus, I had decided that the city was the place I needed to be at this point in my life, but that didn’t guarantee that I’d always enjoy myself or that things would be easy. That became apparent as soon as I started looking for jobs. The search was (and remains) unfruitful. Getting no response from my inquiries for positions as a waiter, telemarketer, guy who passes out flyers on the sidewalk, guitar store clerk, and a number of other odd jobs, I had to look deeper within and decide if staying in the city was really worth all of this struggle.

While back in North Carolina for Thanksgiving, I talked to a friend I graduated with who, just months after graduation, is doing very well as a guitar teacher in Charlotte. Although Charlotte’s art scene isn’t nearly as booming as NYC’s, it is incredible for a city of its size, and the people there are enthusiastic patrons. Plus the rent is low, and they have a Bojangles. Seeing how good my friend’s situation is made the South look very attractive all of the sudden. I always knew that I loved the South and wanted to go back there one day, but the belief that New York City was the place for serious artists kept me from ever entertaining the thought. After seeing what my friend has been able to do while I’m struggling to get the same thing started for myself, I realize that letting go of any fantasies I have about the city could open up a lot more for me.

Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. I think I still have a lot to prove to myself, and I won’t feel good about leaving until I’ve done what I intend to do. I want to know that I came up here and made something out of my time. While my goals are pretty straight-forward and can be accomplished no matter where I live, there is something about knowing that I can accomplish them here, in New York City, and knowing I’ll feel like a hack if I don’t. It’s a completely made-up notion, but sometimes I can’t ignore it.

I guess the bottom line is, I still have a lot of thinking to do. Fortunately, there is still a little bit of time left to think before I find myself in trouble. Whether I decide to call the city home for a little while longer or if I move back home or somewhere else, I’ll know that I gave everything my best effort and all of my decisions were very well thought-out. Until things come together, I’ll just keep working hard and trust that whatever happens will be for the best.