Kayla reflects on the process of creating The Orchard
, a dance/music collaborative piece with Kathryn Logan:
"If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944)
If you didn’t know, freshly squeezed grapefruit juice is amazing, and I am drinking that right now. I know many people think grapefruit without packets of sugar on it is too bitter, but it has a really sweet side, too. The trick to enjoying grapefruit juice is to drink it very slowly. With each small sip, notice how it starts off sweet, turns bitter at the back of your tongue, and then after you swallow it (enjoying the bits of pulp that come with freshly squeezed juice), enjoy the lingering mixture of sweet and tart next to each other.
My experience as co-director and performer in The Orchard was also very two-sided. I wouldn’t choose sweet and bitter to describe the two sides (although they had moments of each!), but they were certainly very different. It never occurred to me that performing and directing at the same time would be frustratingly difficult. Once all the musicians were in town and we were in the theater with the dancers, I kept needing to make decisions about lighting, video projection, placement of dancers and musicians, how loud the sound should be, you get the picture.
On top of that, I needed be able to coach the musicians on how we can be more effective as an ensemble when playing with the dancers and film. I kept imagining that if I concentrated really, really hard, I could make another me appear out in the audience. I needed to be able to see what was going on-- to find out how well we were communicating to the audience. But when you are on stage, that perspective is almost impossible to have. On one hand, I am so grateful that my collaborator, Kathryn Logan, was not dancing and able to sit in the audience and make calls about lighting and placement. On the other hand, I hated feeling like I was not contributing as much in the overall direction of the piece. I felt defeated by my own self for not being able to sprout super cloning powers.
I thought about what it must have been like for Kathryn to sit in the audience, watching the movement that she created, and feeling frustrated when it isn’t being done correctly. I think that is very related to my experiences as a teacher, too. I often want to grab the cello out of my students’ hands and play it for them because they just can’t figure out this simple thing that I’m trying to teach them. I always remind myself that true satisfaction in those moments is finding the best way to help them figure it out. What made Kathryn such a great choreographer was her ability to coach the dancers into finding the “thing” she was after. In many instances, the dancers did something a little different, making it their own movement, and it worked even better! I was lucky to have such a great collaborator, because we agreed to always keep on open mind about the project and how it would evolve. In these moments, when the dancers or John (the cinematographer) or the musicians did something a little different than what we had in mind, we always considered it. I think that made our performance more organic and successful, because each performer had the opportunity to make some aspect of it their own.
I think this is the right time to make a confession. I was not as good of a director and coach for the musicians as Kathryn was for the dancers. Part of this comes from my decision to bring in musicians that do not live in NYC. The sweet part is that I didn’t have to schedule around work and school during tech week. The more problematic part: having to rehearse in a very short amount of time. We only got one real rehearsal in before the first tech rehearsal. There wasn’t any extra time outside of simply getting the music together. I really wanted to be able to share our concept with the musicians, give them some time to think about it and reflect on it with a guided discussion. I had sent them all a description of it when I asked them to perform in the piece, but they didn’t have a chance to develop a personal connection to the concept over a longer amount of time.
When I do this again, I will be more prepared to be a director. Directing isn’t just about where the musicians sit or what font the program should be. It is also about having a captivating personality and the ability to make everyone feel comfortable experiencing the concept of the piece. As a performer I am so used to following a conductor or communicating equally amongst the chamber musicians. As a performer/director, I need constantly be aware that I am wearing both shoes. Like the quote at the top of this reflection, I need to improve my ability to inspire the passion and confidence I have in my ideas and concepts.
Since this is my last blog as a Kenan Fellow, I want to say thank you to everyone involved in making this such a successful relationship between LCI and UNCSA. It has certainly been a career-shaping experience.
Photos of The Orchard
by Melissa Gawlowski, Lincoln Center Institute:
Brittany Zellman, Kayla Herrmann, Taya Ricker, and Daniel Winnick (Katy Gilmore in foreground)
Kayla Herrmann
Kayla Herrmann and Taya Ricker
Daniel Winnick, Taya Ricker, Brittany Zellman, and Kayla Herrmann